Many of my clients ask me when is it ok to move out of the family home? Is it ok to leave the kids? Is it ok to take the kids? How will I have money to rent an apartment? Do I have to help pay the mortgage on the family home after I move out?

My answer is this: You can move out of the family home when you have agreed upon a temporary parenting plan for the kids and when you have agreed on the amount you will receive (or pay) in temporary child and/or spousal support.

It is not a good idea to leave the house and leave your kids there (or take your kids away) until you have reached an agreement with your spouse about when each of you are going to see them on a weekly basis. Once you have an idea of where you are going to live (and hopefully it is fairly close to the other parent) you can figure out a parenting plan that fits with your past history of time spent caretaking your children, your work schedule, your spouse’s work schedule, their school schedule, etc.

You want to move into a place where you are able to set up rooms for the kids to be able to spend the night at your house and launch to school from your house. You might want to live close to their friends and their school. You are going to want to make their bedrooms cozy by taking some of their possessions and having them help you pick out new things and participate in decorating their new room. Keep clothes and other personal supplies at your house too, so the kids don’t have to haul their things in a suitcase every week.

You are now going to pay rent at your new place. Do not move from the family home until you have reached an agreement about how much support you are going to receive to pay your rent (or how much support you are going to pay to your spouse to keep up the mortgage and other expenses at the family home). These decisions can be informal or formal. They can become temporary orders which are signed by a Judge and enforceable. It all depends on what is best for your family. But it is nearly always the case that separation and divorce make both parties more financially strained than ever before. While together, you made a certain amount of money which went to all the bills at your joint home. Now with the same amount of money, you have to support all the bills of two homes. It is hard and there are no easy solutions.

Your attorney can help you determine what is a fair settlement on the amount of support for both parties. You will get exposed to a variety of ideas for parenting plans that can be made unique to your family’s circumstances. Once these agreements have been reached and you have separated, you, your spouse and your children will start acclimating the new life. Tensions that existed in the home will subside and you and the kids might even notice a new freedom and happiness comes over both households.