When my daughter was 3 or 4 years old, we went to a birthday party. As a local clown performed a routine for the crowd of children, he blew up a large balloon and let it go. The balloon streamed across the room, expelling all of its air, and eventually hitting me in the chest. The room of children exploded with an absolute fit of laughter. I may have made a silly face, but otherwise all I did was stand there and have a balloon run into me. Nonetheless, over the roar of hysterical
preschoolers, I heard the unmistakable shouting of my daughter telling everyone, with great pride, “THAT’S MY DAD! THAT’S MY DAD!”

It’s one my favorite memories because of the joy coming from her as she bragged to everyone that her Dad was part of the funny thing that happened. It was also a swift reminder that my absolute most important function in the world is to be a parent to my children. It’s a sentiment that has been often repeated in popular music. The classic George Strait song,
“The Best Day of My Life”, captures its spirit perfectly. In the song, The Troubadour describes a series of experiences he shared with his son as he was growing up that his son referred to as the best day of his life. In the end, the son turns to his dad on his wedding day to tell him that it is the new best day of his life as he will now go forward and fulfill his greatest dream of being just like his Dad.

It’s understandable for Dads (and all parents) to feel pressure to meet this high bar. Not only does it make for a good song, but it is incredibly beneficial for the children. It is well known that children who have sensitive and supportive fathers have better skills at navigating relationships with their peers, perform better in school, have advanced language
skills, and are better equipped to regulate their emotions. Children without active father figures are more likely to have emotional outbursts and to struggle in various aspects of their lives.

Understanding the importance of allowing a child to have close contact with both parents, the State of Oregon has specifically stated under ORS 107.101 that it is the policy of the state to “Assure minor children of frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the best interests of the child.” Considering the known impact of having a father in a child’s life and the State’s policy to allow that to happen, it’s extremely important for both parents to recognize the importance and act accordingly.

For Mothers, it’s important to allow Fathers reasonable time and access to the children. For Fathers, it’s important to be present to spend time with their children and it can be helpful to give Mothers reasons to want you to spend time with the kids.

Be consistent. If your child and your child’s mother know to expect that you’ll be taking the kids for some time, the kids will have something to look forward to and the mother is much more likely to allow it or have already planned it into her schedule. If you just show up randomly or without any planning, you’re less likely to find success.

Be flexible. Things happen in life that disrupt even the best plans. If you’re rigid or unwilling to help out your child’s Mother when she is in a jam, she’s less likely to seek your help in the future, thereby robbing you of extra time with your children.

Be supportive of Mom. You catch more flies with honey and you’re more likely to have your kids’ Mom want to do something nice for you if you are doing nice things for her. As an added bonus, your kids will see that you can set aside any differences to do what’s best for them and also receive the example of how to treat other people with respect and kindness.

Be fun. You don’t have to take the kids to Disneyland to make people think you’re a fun Dad. It certainly should be balanced with being a responsible parent and nobody expects you to be Sponge Bob SquarePants. However, if you want your kids to enjoy spending time with you and thereby communicate (either explicitly or implicitly) to their Mother that they want to spend time with you, it really helps to bring something to the table. It can be as simple as playing a board
game (they’ll relish in reminding you that they beat you at Candyland), having a movie night (the dollar store even sells candy in boxes to make it more like the real movies), going on a bike ride and having a picnic (it doesn’t matter if it’s just ham and cheese), or drawing a picture of a frog (give it three eyes and say that it has super powers).

The Father’s role is an incredibly important one and it should be treated as such. If it’s done with even a modest amount of effort toward things that you should be doing anyway, it can leave you and, more importantly, your children with incredible rewards.