What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?
Richard Alan Gardner (1931 – 2003) was an American child and adolescent psychiatrist who coined the term “parental alienation syndrome” (PAS). He described the syndrome as one parent psychologically manipulating a child so that the child shows unwarranted fear, disrespect, or hostility for the other parent.
Is Parental Alienation Syndrome accepted as a psychological syndrome?
For much of his career, Dr. Garner attempted to get his theory accepted by his peers, but the establishment refused to include PAS in the DSM-V (which lists accepted psychological syndromes). But the related concept of parental alienation is recognized as a dynamic in some divorces when a child becomes estranged from one parent.
How does parental alienation affect you?
If you are in a situation where you have separated from your spouse or partner and have started a parenting plan during your family law case, you may find that your children seem to be more reluctant to embrace their parenting time with you. Tempers flare, anger grows, and controlling and manipulating abounds. The other parent begins to sabotage parenting time by denying it and influencing the children to shy away from you, leading to a breakdown of your relationship with your children. Two elements persist: 1. Control; and 2. High emotion.
What can you do about it?
This is one of the most heartbreaking things we have seen at our law firm. Don’t give up on your kids! It is a very difficult to hang in there with your kids when they are hostile to you. But, you can try to have happy moments with them whenever you can. You can ask if they will go to counseling with you to improve the relationship. It is often helpful to have their friends over, or your friends over during parenting time, to ease up the tension and to encourage everyone to be on their best behavior and to have fun together.
Judges can normally figure out if one of the parents is playing games and using parenting time as a weapon. And judges dislike it to the extent that they will sometimes grant custody to the alienated parent in egregious circumstances.
Sometimes a parent will focus on getting his or her “fair share” of parenting time, when it is too late (because the alienation has already occurred and it is serious), and the kids are dug in on their black and white (negative) thinking about that parent. It may mean giving in on some things that aren’t fair. But when parental alienation is going on it is sometimes easier for the kids to give in to the alienating parent just to keep their lives as peaceful as possible. Think long term and work on improving your relationship for when your kids are over 18. You want them to want to be with you when there is no parenting plan. This will take patience, baby steps, and small successes. But your kids will know that you were always there for them and hopefully will come around someday. We have seen wonderful turnarounds in our law practice and we celebrate the miracle of each one!
My 18yo son & 16yo daughter have been horribly alienated towards me by their father for most of their lives. My son is verbally abusive, while my daughter is extremely cold and rejecting. Since she was young, she has told me she doesn’t love me or like me, but she doesn’t know why. My son says the same thing and they have both told me they literally don’t care if I die and have no intention of being in my life after they are 18. My son is already gone, but it is my hope that I can improve my relationship with my daughter, so she can love or like me, or at least have a relationship.
Although she doesn’t care for me, she had an extremely close, loving relationship with her father, who was verbally abusive of me and did the alienating. Unfortunately, her father committed suicide, and I am all she has left. There is nothing more I want than to have a mother- daughter bond with her. She can’t even think of one reason she doesn’t care about me, but is cruel, cold and rejecting to me every day.
Since their dad is deceased, I don’t need a lawyer. However I would greatly appreciate if you would provide a referral for a therapist who works with these situations. Please let me know as soon as possible. We don’t have much time because she’s almost 17.
Thank you so much ~ Heather
I have always been an extremely
I’m so sorry for all you have been going through. Please call the office number and we may be able to refer a therapist to you.
Hello, I am looking for a law team to file a Wrongful death civil lawsuit against Lane County and the state of Oregon. Parental alienation inflicted by my ex could only have occurred due to the county and states outright denial of my children’s rights to a life with me as their father, as by keeping in play my ex telling them I abandoned them. My first born was so traumatized by the alienation that he changed his name to his stepfather’s name when he could legally do so. Something that is so extreme that it requires this extreme action against the state doing this to my other two children, let alone any others. When the state is a willing partner to the destruction of families because of the prejudice of a judge is when I have the right, according to the Declaration of Independence, Nay, the responsibility to take that action against such a long trail of abuses and usurpations. Now, are you that kind of attorney? The kind that will stand against this outright wrong?!
I am so sorry to hear about this. Our firm does not handle wrongful death lawsuits. I wish you all the best and hope that you find some help for your painful situation.
I have been alienated from my full grown adult children for almost 15 years. Sadly my ex husband who is not the biological father of my two sons waited….until my sweet loving children turned 21 before he started his campaign. The step father came into millions and used that to influence my young adult sons when they were just coming into their real male adult lives. The step father bonded with a sister of mine who has been deemed by a psychologist as a psychopath She has kept her metal illness a secret from her own children and other family members for years but has no issue expressing her hatred for me because I am able to feel empathy and am of healthy emotions. My oldest son is now also an alienated parent both from one child who is estranged and another who my son and I both suspect the step father is the biological father of. (yes the step father had sexual relations with my sons wife for money) The baby is now 7 years old and looks exactly like the step father and his other biological son who is now 18. My story is as twisted as it can get. My youngest son though doing well financially and has a family is so afraid of me that he refuses to let me know where he is and I has a 7 year old son who dosent even know who I am. I have one grandson who was close to me before all this took place that is now 18 and lives with me but is estranged from his father over the abuse he sustained during my sons marriage with the abusive and Narcissistic x wife. So history does repeat itself, Parental Alienation is real, is generational, and does effect society as a hole. Its only been the last few years that it is finally recongnized in the courts, I have waited many years to be able to see this come, And now somehow there must be a way to pass laws regarding this to end the suffering. It truly truly is a kind of psychological death. My life? is learning to live dead and adjust as I go along. The only thing that has kept me going is that one day these horrific tactics become illegal and we can do something about it. My x husband has enjoyed filing taxes on myself and my children years after our divorce and getting away with it. Slashing tires, causing home and job loss, even befriending my apartment manager and being allowed to go into the attic of one apartment and kicking through all the fire walls to be able to then come into my apartment and rob me blind. When I went to court over the manager not willing to repair my attic door or the firewalls I was given a 24 hour notice to vacate later finding out by my x that it was he who was breaking in and no other apartments where broken into thus causing the judge to think I was trying to get out of paying rent. This set the stage for my x to swoop in and start alienating my sons as we were thrown out on the street with no place to go and no money to get there. We had to divide and we neer recovered and have not lived together since. My sons were then 17 and 19. By the time they were 21 and 23 they were well on their way to alienatoin syndrom and of course I knew nothing about it or anything else until it was to late. Now I am still hanging on because my boys are my life I couldnt ever walk away from them most do not understand that kind of way. My oldest now 42 is willing to go to counsiling so it is emparative that I find the right therapist who can help reunification, And a lawyer that can help my oldest son in his alienation with his daughter or help prove the daughter is not his, He was manipulated into becoming the father through marriage and deciet. If this tangles mess is something you will consider then we would be greatfull. A refereal to a therapist would also be appreciated I have left a message at your office.
I’m so sorry, this sounds like a tough situation. I’m glad you called our office, as I cannot respond in detail on our website.
Hi I am looking for recommendations for therapist near me for parental alienation. I like in eagle point or. Medford or surrounding would be preferred.
This has been going on for far too long and i can’t take it anymore, I have 4 four kids by two different women, my oldest two are 13 and 11, and I allowed their mom to ruin my life, and get me in a lot of trouble. She never had to work, I did everything, and she cheated on me, and got me kicked out of my own house that I rented with my mom. She then moved her family in, which she partially already had done prior to me getting kicked out, and somehow taken off the lease without my approval. Had me sent to jail for stuff I never did, alienated my kids from and still does, she is insane, but I will say for a couple months here and there she allowed me to see them at her house only, which is ridiculous. The second mother of my daughter whose 8 and youngest son who is 2, she was ok for a while letting me see my daughter and letting her stay with me on days i didn’t work, then i got cellulitis and wasn’t able to work, I currently live In a tool shed, since when I was able to work, child support took about half of my paycheck, we have not gone to court for anything cause im afraid that I won’t get anything because i don’t have a place for my kids to live with me. My daughter was my sidekick, we did everything together, she would call me every night we she wasnt with me, as well as during the day, now its like pulling teeth getting to try and talk to her, our relationship is getting destroyed. I’ve tried to be civil with her mom, but that whole family is narcissistic, they all talk bad about me, although i saved their daughters life the night I met her, lived with her parents for a bit, yes her and I did drugs back then but I am clean over 3 years, I helped her family with so much. My ex worked 6 months if that out of 9 years together, she even got child support while living with me, she just used her parents address, but as for my youngest son, her family wouldn’t let me come over to spend time with my kids, when he was born, and i was living in a sober living house, neither of us have a license, she just is too lazy to get one, and mine was taken cause of child support then driving while suspended. Also I lived in a tiny room in the house so it would have been extremely difficult to care for my newborn son at the time. All my kids want to live with me, they have said it multiple times but my situation, I can’t have kids living in a shed. I need help, I’ve already tried to unalive myself in the past thanks to being alienated from my kids, thankfully I don’t anymore, but it just seems like nobody will help me unless i have money unfortunately, cause my poor kids are being mentally abused by these women, and nobody cares. I understand my mistakes in the past, letting the first walk all over me, and the 2nd i kinda did the same thing. I want the kids to have equal time with both myself and my ex’s cause I’ve researched the effects alienation has on kids, my 2nd ex, the mother of my daughter and son, is on medications for depression, anxiety, she’s also on suboxone for opiate cravings, I finally got off suboxone about 7 months ago, it was miserable but i couldn’t do it anymore I wanted to be free. Sorry for the long story, there’s so much more that is going on and has gone on, but i just want to be a good dad and give my kids the best chance at a good life, i may not be able to financially but i have a lot of knowledge. I’m not abusive but im stern with my kids, i don’t want them to grow up and be disrespectful unlikable people. I really could use help, please!!!!
Hi Ray,
We’re sorry to hear about your situation. If you would like to discuss it with one of our attorney, please give us a call at 503-466-9626 to schedule an appointment.
My oldest son went through a terrible ordeal with all of these symptoms of parental alienation false aligations his visits taken by his x wife he fought back as hard as he could and ultimately Was murdered by her Dec 16 2022.
She is being held in jail without bail on murder charges and retained her parenting rights . She has given her mother power of attorney and I have fought as hard as I can my grandson . However they continue the same parental alienation tactics and the custody evaluator doesn’t seem to take any of that Into consideration . Can anyone please help or recommend a specialist in this extreme alienation before its to late for my grandson to have a healthy relationship with his fathers side of the family . So much has been taken from him already .
We would be happy to meet with you to discuss your options. Please call us at 503-466-9626 to set up a consultation.