- You may not be able to make good decisions right now. Divorce is stressful and some of the things that might have occurred that caused the divorce have left you emotionally fragile and not thinking practically about your divorce. One of the greatest things an attorney can do for you is to think clearly when you aren’t able to.
- If you have children, they are the most important thing. It’s really hard on children when they see one of their parents falling apart. A child who loves you will feel the desire to comfort you and care for you. If this goes on for a long period of time, it takes away from your child being able to be a child.
- Understand the assets and debts of your marriage. If you haven’t been the one who handles the finances, this may require learning about them. Understand what the values are of all your assets such as real estate, retirement accounts and restricted stock or business interests. It is important to understand and agree on the value of all of the assets of the marriage before making decisions about who gets what. Your attorney will usually help you with this part by preparing a spreadsheet identifying all of the assets and debts and placing values on them.
- Talk to your family and friends about how you are feeling and get their support, but don’t take their advice about legal matters. I can’t count how many times clients have said that their friends told them that whoever files first has the advantage. That is simply not true! Many other things your friends tell you are not legally correct. Please take legal advice from your attorney, and get emotional support from your friends.
- Behave with integrity and dignity no matter how you feel. This is not a dress rehearsal. Behave in a way that you will be proud of when you look back on this time. It is easy to do the right thing when everything is going your way. Going through a difficult time really is where your true character shines through. Let your attorney guide you when making decisions about how to relate to your soon to be ex. Be especially careful about memorialize gentlemen bad behavior in text messages, voice messages and email. I can’t count the times that I am faced with explaining foul language and even violent threats because they are forever documented in a writing or voice recording.
- Be realistic about the fact that your budget is going to have to tighten up. Whether both divorcing parties are working, or one is not, you were still used to living in one home with the income that you had. Once you move in to two homes, but still have the same income to support two homes, things are going to get tighter. This is not forever, but it will take some time for cash flow to increase. If you are not working, finding a job will be one way to increase your standard of living after divorce. This will likely take some time, so tighten your budget in the meantime.
- When you are the spouse preparing to re enter the workforce, look at it as an exciting and positive step. As a lawyer, I may be a little biased because obviously, I work outside the home. Work can be a wonderful opportunity and a fulfilling part of your life. If you have been outside of the workforce for a long time, there are many positives you will find from going back to work. One positive is your own income that you do not have to rely on someone else to supply you with. Another is that you will find self esteem in becoming good at working outside the home. You will meet new people who may become close friends and support you in your life. You will have the chance to be of service to others by doing your job well. You will find out more about yourself and become stronger in many ways by your work outside the home.
- Getting through the divorce process and getting through the divorce grieving process are two different things. It takes an average of 8 months to complete the legal process of your divorce. However, recovering emotionally from a divorce will take much longer. Change is hard. Divorce is a huge change in your life from who you identified yourself to be. It is finding yourself again in a new way and building a new life for yourself. Take your time to fully grieve and find yourself again before you start dating again. Rebound relationships don’t usually work out. You are carrying a great deal of baggage from your old life. You need to be in a better place where you can let some of that baggage go and start a new life. Though it may be scary and new, being single for a period of time will be good for you. You still have your friends and family so that you won’t be totally alone. Take your time and think about what you really want in a new mate before you go out looking for one.
- Watch your social media pages and what you post during your divorce. I have gained important information to help my client’s case just by reviewing the facebook page of the opposing party. You can find out about trips, lovers, partying, etc. You should assume that the other side will see all of your social media posts so they should be as innocent as possible during this time.
- Fight for yourself. Sometimes, by the time you get to the divorce phase, you are weak and tired and do not have the energy to fight for yourself the way you should. An attorney can provide a great service for you by fighting for you when you can’t do it for yourself. This does not mean that your attorney should be ruthless and trying to take your spouse to the cleaners. No, it just means that you have to put yourself and your children first right now. You need to receive a fair result in your divorce proceeding so that you can move forward toward a positive future. The final outcome of all parts of your divorce from parenting plans, to spousal support and division of the assets play a big part in your positive future. This has to be done right! There are no second chances. I can’t count how many clients have come to me after their divorce is final and want to change the decisions that they made because they did not fight for themselves during the divorce. After the fact it is too late! Please utilize your attorney and allow your attorney to fight for you with integrity.
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It’s interesting that you talked about choosing a lawyer that will be able to fight for you if you can’t do it yourself. I am going to begin a divorce soon and I wasn’t sure how to choose a lawyer. I can see how it would be good to have someone that can fight for my needs because I’m going to feel pretty emotionally depleted at the time.
My cousin is thinking about getting a divorce soon. It is good to know that she should know that it takes about eight months to complete one. Since she has two small children that is good for her to know.
Good luck to your cousin Penelope!
You have shared really useful tips.
Thanks!
I appreciate your tips for making the transition in a divorce a lot easier, especially as my divorce process is no doubt going to be very rocky in terms of relations with my husband’s family. My husband and I are also having trouble agreeing on who will keep what assets, so I’ll definitely take your advice and be careful about what I post online, especially in that regard. Setting up a strong support system, of course, will be a major step as well, and I’ll take your advice and look into getting a lawyer to be part of that system, for sure.
I’m glad you found our tips helpful Rhianna. I wish the best for you as you go through this process and know that once you get to the other side, you will create a new beautiful life for yourself.
Thanks for the information
One of my very close friends is getting a divorce from his wife and he wants the whole process to go smoothly. I appreciate you mentioning how it is a good idea to make decisions that are guided by an attorney. I’ll have to help my friend find a reputable divorce attorney to hire so he can make the best decisions in his case.
Thank you for your comment Charlotte. You sound like a caring friend.
I had no idea that the average divorce takes around eight months. I’m thinking about hiring a lawyer for my divorce. I think it would make the process a lot easier.
Dear Eve,
We always try to settle our cases out of Court first, Mediation is one way to resolve things and may make the process quicker.
It really helped when you talked about dealing with a divorce and why you shouldn’t take legal advice from your family or friends. Last week, I had lunch with my brother, and he confessed he’s getting divorced and wants to tell the family soon, so before he makes a legal mistake, I’ll share your tips with him. Thanks for the insight on how your divorce’s legal issues should be handled by experts.
Thank you Eli, glad it helped and wish your brother a peaceful divorce. Hopefully he will be able to use the Mediation process to help reach an agreement in his divorce.
Thank you for explaining that the divorce process takes about eight months on average to complete. My sister has been wondering how long she can expect her divorce to take now that she’s started the process. I’ll share this with her so she can understand how long this might last. https://www.smithandtaborlaw.com/services
I had no idea that a divorce can take over 8 months! I’ve been thinking about getting a divorce lawyer because my ex is making this really hard. On top of that, we’ll need to hire a custody lawyer to help us as well.
Thanks for mentioning that you need to have the support of your family and friends. I’d really like to talk to a lawyer about my divorce since it’s been really hard on me. It would be nice to have the support of a professional in this process. https://www.woodspc.com/divorce-law
I had no idea that the legal process of a divorce can take as long as 8 months. My husband and I have decided to get a divorce because he came out to me as gay last month. I want this process to be as easy as possible for my kids, so I’ll have to find a good lawyer.
One of the most important things to consider when getting a divorce is the division of assets, and it is crucial to work with a lawyer who will fight for your fair share.