Divorce Mediation is the way to go.  So many divorcing couples are now opting to go through mediation at the very start of their divorce.  There is a huge trend, especially with high asset families who do not want the courts getting involved in their very private financial matters.  These families feel confident in business matters and are usually very sophisticated about how best to divide their assets.  But sometimes one of the spouses is more sophisticated than the other. How can divorce mediation protect both of the spouses?

First of all, in order for divorce mediation to work, there has to be a high level of transparency.  When I am working as the mediator in a divorce case, I am going to first want both parties have a full awareness and understanding of all of the assets of the marriage.  Sometimes, I will be mediating a case where there are attorneys who are representing both parties.  I will ask the attorneys to commit to making sure that I (and both parties) have all of the information that is needed to productively discuss division of assets.  If I am mediating for parties without attorneys, then I will help them each make sure that all the assets and debts have been fully disclosed.  If there are complex assets such as family businesses, excessive real estate holdings, trusts or other unique assets, both parties need to have a full understanding of how the asset works and what the value of the asset is.

Sometimes that may mean that an expert valuator is hired both to value the asset, but also to sit down and have a frank discussion with the parties to answer any questions and fully explain how the asset works.  In mediation, this valuator would be a joint hire and would be fully disclosing everything to both sides.  Thus the transparency discussed above.

What about spousal support in mediation?  This is always a tough issue and one of the most difficult to resolve.  Still, working together with a mediator is the best way to go.  If a couple is not able to mediate a solution to spousal support, then a Judge will make the decision.  As many times as I have appeared in front of various family law Judges in multiple counties, I can never predict exactly what will happen.  That is why it is always better to settle your case if you can.  I can predict the range that a particular Judge would likely determine spousal support within.  With this information, I can help the parties reach a settlement within that range, taking into account budgets, and concerns that both of the spouses have.  Mediation can help make this hot button issue easier to resolve.

When you walk away from Mediation with a final settlement to all of the issues in your divorce you can feel really good about it.  You have approached your divorce and treated your spouse with respect and dignity.  You have compromised.  But, you compromised to a place that you felt good about.  You know what you got.  You didn’t have a Judge tell you an amount that you can’t live with.  In mediation you have agreed to something you can live with.  Moving forward, if you have children with your spouse, you will be seeing that person for many years to come.  And so, with the peaceful resolution of your divorce, you can embark on your new life without having “scorched the earth”, but rather in a positive and hopeful way.  You and your ex will be off to a good start!